


jared kleinmans slow descent into madness

by zukoandtheoc



Series: vampire connor vs. vampire hunter jared [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Multi, Oblivious Jared, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Texting, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Vampire Hunters, Vampires, Witches, and in the same universe, and roughly in chronological order, chatfic, do these count as drabbles?, drabbles?, for now have jared being a mess, healer!alana, hey how did jared become the main character of this au, hunter!jared, idk short things, implied vampire biting, jared's ongoing crisis of faith, or something, someday i will write a proper fic for this au, that are connected, that day is not today, the author will not provide context, vague references to other fanfics, vampire!Connor, witch!alana
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 03:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14907654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zukoandtheoc/pseuds/zukoandtheoc
Summary: as chronicled through a series of texts with alana beck





	1. crisis of faith

**Author's Note:**

> So every chapter is going to be a text conversation Jared and Alana have, and each chapter is its own separate conversation. Assume there's other conversations and stuff happening that gets left out between chapters.

jarebear: laney i’m freaking the fuck out

magiclana: ??

jarebear: fuckk

magiclana: Are you hurt?

jarebear: connor murphy is a vampire

magiclana: …

jarebear: no fuck

jarebear: no im not hurt no ones hurt

magiclana: Jared.

magiclana: You know I won’t have conversations about your job with you.

jarebear: fuck wait i didnt mean it like that

jarebear: im not telling u this in a “heyy im a vampire hunter and ur the local potions dealer and magic expert” way

jarebear: im telling you this in a “hey ur my friend and i am freaking the fuck out” way

magiclana: Connor’s also my friend.

jarebear: laney i’m having a crisis of faith here

jarebear: i know

magiclana: A… crisis of faith.

jarebear: im also like 80% certain hes gay for evan which

jarebear: i dont know what is a vampire hunter spsode 2 do when u find out ur bro/gay crush is chill w a vamp and said vamp would literally let himself die to avoid hurting said bro

jarebear: besides have a crisis of faith

magiclana: …

magiclana: Okay, I need so much context.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you don't get context because the context hasn't been written yet  
> sorry


	2. ur a fuckin wizard, jared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jarebear: then connor straight up was like  
> jarebear: “ur a fuckin wizard, jared”  
> jarebear: and then he passed the fuck out

magiclana: Hey.

jarebear: sssup

magiclana: How’d you tell Evan about, uh…

jarebear: i didn’t?

magiclana: The magic thing?

jarebear: oh wait

jarebear: well it wasnt so much that i told him as he,,, found out

jarebear: it was kiiind of a crisis situation yknow

magiclana: Oh. Right.

jarebear: i think i drew a sigil on him, actually

jarebear: just in the middle of all That shenanigans

jarebear: i just whipped out a marker and grabbed evans hand and drew, like, a fuckin coffee cup or some shit on his palm

magiclana: Oh dear.

jarebear: then connor straight up was like

jarebear: “ur a fuckin wizard, jared”

jarebear: and then he passed the fuck out

jarebear: it was kind of funny

jarebear: or it would’ve been if it werent for… yknow

jarebear: anyway yeah

jarebear: why do u ask?

magiclana: Oh, well.

magiclana: I… kind of think Zoe knows about Connor?

jarebear: o shit

magiclana: And I think she might suspect that I know, too.

magiclana: And I guess I’m just… trying to figure out what to say?

magiclana: Or if I should say anything at all.

jarebear: this… sounds like a convo u need to have with connor tbh

jarebear: like

magiclana: Yeah…

jarebear: does she Know

jarebear: or does she just Suspect

magiclana: I’m not sure.

jarebear: and like. if she takes her suspicions to connor and not you, hes gotta know if ur ok w him talking about your stuff or not

jarebear: and vice versa

magiclana: Yeah, that makes sense.

magiclana: This is all just… a mess.

jarebear: oh believe me i fuckin get it

jarebear: me and my gayass crush on evan hansen, tree enthusiast, and his gayass crush on connor murphy, vampire extraordinaire

jarebear: then u and ur gayass crush on zoe murphy, who is oblivious to the fact that ur a gotdam witch and her brother is a vampire extraordinaire

magiclana: Wait, Evan has a crush on Connor?

jarebear: or not completely oblivious ig

jarebear: o yea u didnt know?

jarebear: he’s in real fuckin deep

jarebear: connors got it bad too

jarebear: theyre both such idiots

magiclana: Did he tell you that?

jarebear: god no hes just obvious af

jarebear: both of them are

magiclana: Hm.

jarebear: except to each other apparently

jarebear: wait what

jarebear: dont u give me the cryptic “hm.” alana becxk

jarebear: fuck

jarebear: Alana BecK

magiclana: I just think it’s interesting that you can be so emotionally intelligent when it comes to other people’s feelings and relationships, but not to your own.

jarebear: ???

jarebear: i have no idea what ur talkin aboiut????

magiclana: Of course not.

jarebear: lanEY PLS

jarebear: pls escplains

magiclana: Sorry, GTG make sure my potion doesn’t boil over. TTYL.

jarebear: laney

jarebear: l a n e y

jarebear: this conversation isnt over

jarebear: gdi


	3. in which jared actually provides context for once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jarebear: 3 coffee sigils + a productivity sigil = clean house
> 
> jarebear: my parents arent gonna suspect a thingg
> 
> jarebear: ...as long as connors not here when they get back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first person to find the reference in this chapter gets a cookie

[3 am]

jarebear: kdfsbahjwkbkjlabvdk

jarebear: lnaey I know its 3am and ur aslep

jarebear: like a repsonsible human beign

jarebear: even tho its saturday

jarebear: nd i apologize to mornign you for the spam

jarebear: but GFDKLJGSKLABNKSFJL

jarebear: im fucked

jarebear: fuck

jarebear: i drew like three coffee sigisl on my arm

jarebear: im hyper asf and im fucked

jarebear: my paretns are gonna kill me

[4:30 am]

jarebear: 3 coffee sigils + a productivity sigil = clean house

jarebear: my parents arent gonna suspect a thingg

jarebear: ...as long as connors not here when they get back.

jarebear: my god this guy sleeps like a rock

jarebear: but they dont get back til noonish tmrw so its probably ok.

jarebear: fuck i think im bout to crash

jarebear: by the time u wake up ill prob b dead to the world

jarebear: so i guess ill. explains the bs later

[4:50 am]

jarebear: connors such an idiot

jarebear: i dont understand him

[8 am]

magiclana: Jared??

magiclana: What happened???

magiclana: ... You threw a party because your parents went out of town for the weekend, didn’t you.

magiclana: I’m disappointed.

[8:30 am]

magiclana: Oh my god.

magiclana: Please tell me you didn’t sleep with Connor.

[11 am]

jarebear: oh my god no

jarebear: i mean, yes to the party

jarebear: but N O to teh other thing

jarebear: wtf laney

magiclana: You didn’t give me a lot to go on.

magiclana: And why was he at your house???

magiclana: Asleep????

jarebear: nerd y did u wake up at 8am on a sunday

jarebear: fuck u broke out the quadruple question marks ok

jarebear: shit just got real

magiclana: -.- Jared.

jarebear: okAY

jarebear: so apparently im a fuvkign idiot

jarebear: and apparently being like “yo im havin a party on saturday” to the general student populace

jarebear: counts as an invitation as far as vampire magic is concerned

magiclana: You’d think you’d be aware of that already.

jarebear: i know right

magiclana: Considering that kind of knowledge is kind of important to your job.

jarebear: but then like he actually showed up which i was not expecting

jarebear: also apparently connors also a fcukin idiot

jarebear: someone brought weed cookies or some shit and was offerin them to ppl

jarebear: and they offered one to connor and he was like “why the fuck not” i guess

jarebear: and he ate it

jarebear: then he threw up

magiclana: Oh no.

jarebear: weed cookie kid wa s so offended lmfao

jarebear: they were like “my mom made those!” which, fuckin wild

jarebear: then connor just fucked off outside

jarebear: and stayed there til i kicked everyone out

magiclana: I was under the impression that he was still there when you messaged me at 4:30 this morning.

jarebear: ,,fuck

jarebear: im gettin to it laney

jarebear: i went outside to be like “yo partys over get the fuck out” but instead i was accidentally more like “dude u ok”

jarebear: turns out that no, he was not,,

magiclana: What happened?

jarebear: so evans been super stressed out w scolarship applications n shit

jarebear: and either connor is just self sacrificial as fuck or he genuinely believes that he, a vampire, doesnt need to feed more than twice a month

magiclana: ... Oh.

jarebear: do u get it now

magiclana: Yeah, I think I see where this is going.

jarebear: good

jarebear: i was bout to be real fuckin embarased if i had to spell it out for u

magiclana: Are you okay?

jarebear: um

jarebear: i’m

jarebear: not sure

jarebear: i told him this isnt gonna be a regular thing or whatever

jarebear: i just

jarebear: idk

jarebear: idk how to feel rn

magiclana: That’s understandable.

magiclana: Sorry. I don’t really know what to say.

magiclana: If there’s anything I can do, let me know.

jarebear: thanks

jarebear: i think i need to restock my stash of healing potion a bit early this month, actually

jarebear: if thats ok

magiclana: Of course!

jarebear: thanks laney

jarebear: idk what id do without u

magiclana: You’d be stuck using bandages and waiting to heal like a normal person.

jarebear: exactly

jarebear: itd be terrible


End file.
